(It’s not at all lost on me that I continually go a month without posting here, and then get the urge to write multiple times in one week…)
Today has been a day of jittery excitement.
I’m a really big fan of U2 (and the sky is blue…). If you keep up with them at all (or if I’ve been yelling excitement at you the past few weeks), you may know that they just finished a tour – and have another one slated to begin next spring. I started this post a few hours before those new tour dates (and a single!) dropped, and thus spent the morning in a state of excitement, anxiety, nerves, sadness over finances, then more excitement, rinse and repeat. All morning. And all those feelings are going to keep cycling until the next time I find myself staring up at The Edge from wherever I wind up on rail. A conversation with one of my “U2 fam” members prompted me to come here and write about all of this.
I find myself in this perpetual state of waiting. I found a countdown app I like a few months back, and immediately filled it with the concerts and travel plans that filled this fall. Now, as winter approaches, the app is almost empty – until February, I have no real big plans. Yet. I’m always itching to find something exciting to do! But winter will happen and getting around will be difficult and… that’s okay. I need some time to prepare mentally (and financially!) for my spring and summer plans.
What sparked the blog post is that period of limbo. I feel like I’m currently stuck in three stages of it – they’re almost these concentric circles that are buzzing with anxiety and excited nerves. The smallest is the period I’m now in, where the tour dates have been announced, the potential plans have been made, and now I just need to hold my breath and hope that the ticket presale in a few weeks goes well. A little bit large than that is the waiting for these concerts and travel plans to get here. And then, circling those and every other aspect of my life, is the waiting for my new job to begin.
It’s no secret that I’m not a patient person.
I blame that partially on my growing up doing theater (remind me to actually properly write about that part of my life here sometime, please). There’s an instant gratification to the process and performing, and I miss it terribly.
The rest of the blame lies on the fear of the unknown that we all seem to have, to some varying degree. I’m typically not one to shy away from it – I embrace change and like to try new things – but when it comes to the waiting game? That sort of unknown just doesn’t seem to sit as well. When the idea for a plan – especially a big one like concerts – comes to mind, I need that plan to be set in stone, immediately. And when the clock headed toward 1:00 this afternoon and we weren’t sure what cities would be on this tour… my brain was in full-tilt panic mode.
And now I have to laugh, because not even six hours later… I have plans. Really, really exciting plans that teenage me would be thrilled to know 30-year-old me will be doing. Isn’t that the way it always goes? We work ourselves up about everything – or at least us anxious-leaning types do – that life throws at us, and then when we look back… it works out. Usually better than we anticipate. The things that were complete unknowns just a few hours ago are now dates on a calendar. The plans that are now far-off, several months away, will come and pass. And this in-between period I’ve been stuck in with my job? At some point, it’ll be nothing more than a distant memory.
I’ve been making a conscious effort to embrace those times of limbo, and to take them in for what they are. I don’t like working for the weekend, I want to experience every moment of my life. If that means embracing the nerves and scary unknown? I’ll do my best to get through it with an optimistic smile.
(NYC friends: GET READY TO SEE ME IN LATE JUNE/EARLY JULY!!!)